I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize