if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
