I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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