you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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