Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
