Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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