The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it fun? or sober?
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