I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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