Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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