i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
