i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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