I will die if light touches me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
