i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
