i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize