yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
