He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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