I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
