Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
