your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
