either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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