Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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