I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize