He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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