Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
