I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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