Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
