Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
