She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
