I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
