Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
