how can u be prego again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
