Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
