God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
