Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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