I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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