Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
