you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
