it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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