i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize