he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize