small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
