I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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