If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
