My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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