My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
