Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
