sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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