it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
