i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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