My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
