Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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