Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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