Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
