using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
