Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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