I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize