she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
