Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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