You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
