omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Someone shit on the floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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