Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
