i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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