bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to jail i love you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
