they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
