so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
