pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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