i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize