garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
