Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
