I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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