why didn't you poke me back
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
