i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
