At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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