I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
