I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
