I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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