i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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