did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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