well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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