He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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