Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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