if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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