No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize