I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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