She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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