I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where is the hickey?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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