I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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