My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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