I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
