I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
