Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
