I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
