I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
