Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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