Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
