dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize