38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
