My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize