Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize