I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
