i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
