is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
