I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
