Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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