i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
