I wish I could teleport
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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