man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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