What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
