instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
