we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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