You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
