who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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