my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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