You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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