xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize