I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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