Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
